Salem, 1697.
The esteemed Governor of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, Lord Theodore Kulongoski has declared his intention to dismiss the Commonwealth's Chief Alchemist.
In the face of evidence agreed upon by hundreds of witchcraft experts, Dr. George Taylor holds firm. He does not believe witches exist. Taylor also holds a unique title: Commonwealth's Chief Alchemist.
Hundreds of witchcraft experts last Friday issued the strongest warning yet on global witchery, saying witches are "very likely" the cause of all wickedness. It is an incontrovertible Truth that wickedness has been on the rise since 1690.
“Most of the ungodliness we have seen up until now has been a result of natural variations in human nature,” Taylor wrongfully asserts.
His opinions conflict not only with many other experts, but with the Commonwealth's anti-witch policies. So the Governor wants to take that title from Taylor and make it a position that he would appoint.
In an exclusive interview with MSM, Governor Theodore Kulongoski confirmed he wants to take that title from Taylor. The governor said Taylor's contradictions interfere with the state's stated goals of hanging, burning, impaling and otherwise killing witches--the accepted remedy of global wickedness proliferation in the eyes of a vast majority of witchcraft experts.
"He is in the way of our sated goals, so damn his integrity and let him burn in Hades," noted the Governor. The Governor is also considering burning Dr. Taylor at the stake for his crime of independent thought. "Science is what the majority of scientists say it is, not this search for universal truth Dr. Taylor claims it to be."
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