Democratic Leader Approves Voter Free Choice Forever Stamp

John Sweeny, head of the Democratic party, enacted by fiat today the Voter Free Choice Forever Stamp. This comes after Democratic victories in the form of the Employee Free Choice Act and the Forever Stamp from the US Postal Service (also known as the "Endorsement of Competitive Pricing Act")

Under the new legislation, current representatives from the political party that controls Congress (referred to as "vote facilitators"), would approach voters in each Congressional district and ask these voters to sign "proxy cards." The proxy cards allow voters to choose either the incumbent party or the minority party. When a majority of voters in each district signed proxy cards, the party with the most votes will be declared the winner.

In keeping with the promise of the Forever Stamp legislation, the process will only be done once. "We don't feel there is a need to burden voters with these periodic elections," noted el Presidente Sweeny. In response to allegations that the legislation is designed to entrench his subordinates, Mr. Sweeny noted that vote facilitators would be available after the press conference to address any criticisms.

In order to facilitate increased voter turnout, the legislation authorized vote facilitators to approach voters in their homes, at work and in ill lit alleys at night. To further prevent voter intimidation by other groups, vote facilitators will be authorized to carry large bats, iron pipes, and in certain neighborhoods, guns.